Never Clearer Than Now

        The absolute truth is...there isn't much that seems clear without a film fogging the view shortly after the clarity takes place.  Life shifts and changes and swirves at such rapid speeds sometimes, to make those decisions that will alter the rest of your existence is overwhelming.
         I live in a small town of approximately 2,500 people and this poor little town is usually quite friendly.  I never really saw myself settling down as a country girl in rural America; nevertheless, here I am, ready or not.  The idea of relocating and pulling my kindergarden son from his school, has been extremely tempting and I would pick up and go in a heartbeat but things have recently become complicated.
         For the first time in three years, since my divorse, I am dating a wonderful man (one of those that actually has a full-time job, takes responsibility for himself, and treats me like a Queen on display).  He is a rarity from my personal life experience. However, he isn't without fault.  He has a ten year old son that lives here, in this town, and he will not even think of moving away from him...I can unhinderingly respect this!  I would be the same with my own child if he did not live with me full time.  The problem lies with him having an ex so close.  Now, I'm not the extreme jealous type and she and I get along just fine but she is related to what seems like half of the total population in this town and they all loved him!!  He goes to the hospital when his ex's nephew is born (two hours away), he goes to the visitation night of the ex's great-aunt and her grandmother's visitation night at their passing....and frankly, I find this a bit odd.  It's a constant reminder that I'm certainly not his "first rodeo" and he is in love with her family still (after 6 years).
          I'm more than certain that he loves me and we will most likely be engaged soon.  He is my "Honeybee!"  I love him dearly, sweetly, and tenderly.  Is that enough to block out the clear reminder of the past that I had no part of?  I don't believe that anything is ever clearer than now...the moment of clarity just passed!